I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
