i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
