my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
