This is not my ceiling
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A+ Viking dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
