Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
