Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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