i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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