why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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