Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
