He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
