dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
