I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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