i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
