did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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