tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
