When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
