So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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