woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
