I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we made out on top of his cat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
