My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
