Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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