I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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