What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
