it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
