Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
