Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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