We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
