At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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