You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
