I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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