she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
