She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
