then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this boner is exhausting
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
do nipples grow back?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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