This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
