Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
