i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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