I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
