Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
