Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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