So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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