Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
