She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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