I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we made out on top of his cat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
