Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
