Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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