It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
