That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
