I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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