I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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