Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
