I CAN MOONWALK!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
