Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
