Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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