You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
