I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
