Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
