i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
