You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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