And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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