omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
