he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
