u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
