So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
