You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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