I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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